FIC: Wish I may, wish I might.
Nov. 21st, 2011 08:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wicked3659Title: Wish I may, wish I might.
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wicked3659
Rating: pg
Verse: TFA
Characters: Sari, Jazz, Prowl
Summary: Sari is tired of seeing her friends leave and Jazz learns he's more valued and less alone in the universe than he ever hoped.
Sari roughly brushed away the tears from her cheeks, her bottom lip sticking out in a classic pout as she sniffed and folded her arms over her knees, her legs curling up closer to her chest. Her sobs came in soft resistant whimpers as she tried desperately not to cry. She didn’t want any of them to see her cry.
Overhearing the Autobots in their living area earlier, Sari had stayed quiet, eavesdropping in on their conversation as they discussed Jazz’s departure date. It had been the first she’d heard about Jazz having to leave. She knew that the Elite Guardsmech was assigned to the Steelhaven but he had told her that this would be a longer stay, he had promised!
Shouting this out, loudly and suddenly at the top of her voice had startled the gathered ‘bots. Then she had fled the living area and had kept running, tears stinging her eyes, the wind batting her face. She didn’t slow down until her legs had started to burn and she ran out of road. Stopping at the bank of the lake she let the sobs come and the tears fall. It wasn’t fair! None of it was fair! Her friends were constantly on edge since the Decepticons had started upping their attacks, Prowl was always training or meditating, trying to focus on finding the All spark, Bumblebee and Bulkhead were always training or just out looking for Decepticons to fight. Ratchet had all but holed himself up in his makeshift medbay and barely spoke to anyone and Optimus… well, when he wasn’t giving them ‘stay strong and continue to hope’ lectures, he was sat waiting for Cybertron to tell them they were sending the help he repeatedly requested. He was always so serious, distracted now.
****
Sari kicked a pebble into the water and glared at it as it sank to the murky depths. Sighing and moving to lean against a large oak tree, Sari quietened her sobs, her face screwed up in anger and despair, the tears streaking her skin as she slid down the bark of the tree to sit in the damp, cold grass. “It’s not fair!” She yelled up to the sky, to anything that might’ve been listening. “It’s not fair.” She muttered, burying her face into her arms, her crying renewed when the only reply she got was the faint hoot of an owl.
“What’s not fair, sweetspark?”
Brushing her face quickly, Sari didn’t have to look to know who was speaking. Jazz’s smooth voice was recognisable anywhere. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Just leave me alone!” She snapped, frowning at her own harsh words.
Jazz bowed his helm slightly and took a step closer. “Well, I could do that… or…”
“Or, what?” Sari prompted after a few moments of silence.
“Or, I could sit right here, next to you.” The guardsmech had already moved to sit beside her before she could respond. “Don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to.”
“Good!” She barked, a deep scowl forming on her face. “Doesn’t matter anyway, nothing I say matters…” Her voice trailed off into a sullen mutter, her face contorting as she fought back the welling tears, threatening to spill down her cheeks.
Looking quizzically down at the clearly distressed girl, Jazz frowned in concern. “Now why do you say that? Has somebody been giving you a hard time?”
“No, Jazz…” Sari let her head rest against the trunk of the tree with a heavy sigh. “It’s just… no matter what I say; you’re still going to leave… you promised you would stay longer this time.” Hearing how she sounded, the anger returned with vengeance. “Doesn’t matter, alright!” Sari pushed herself up and stomped closer to the lake. “You’re just going to leave like everyone does. They go and they fight and I’m left behind and I don’t know if they’re going to… going to come back. And you’re going to leave again, and you’ll just forget about us.”
Her sobs wracked her small body and Jazz felt a deep ache in his spark at the sight and sound of the small girl crying. He had fallen in love with this strange organic planet and loved Sari like a sparkling of Cybertron. The way she always spoke her mind and wore her feelings on the outside had endeared the guardsmech to her and he thought of her like family. In truth, he thought of all of them as the family and friends he hadn’t allowed himself to have. The life of a guardsmech was a lonely one, but it was lonely for a good reason. Still, no matter how hard he’d tried, Jazz hadn’t been able to stop himself from growing ever fonder of the small earth team.
Moving closer to Sari, remaining on his knees so he could speak to her more easily, he peered down at her with a soft smile, a fingertip gently brushing away the tear drops from her cheek. “Sweetspark, I’m so sorry that I have to break my promise. You have to know, it wasn’t my decision. I never meant to hurt you.”
“Then why do you have to go?!” The girl managed to force out between hitched sobs. She didn’t wait for the ninja to answer before she flung herself at him and wrapped her arms around the nearest plating she could grab, which so happened to be his leg.
Ever so gently scooping the girl up and settling cross-legged on the bank, looking out to the water, Jazz placed Sari carefully on his knee and bent low to talk to her properly. “I want to show you something.”
Sniffing and wiping her face, Sari blinked up at him curiously. “What?” She burbled quietly.
“Look up at the sky. You see those stars up there?” He pointed as the first stars twinkled in the twilight.
Sari nodded. “Mmhmm.”
“Did you know I live by the stars?” Jazz asked quietly.
Shaking her head, Sari looked up at him expectantly.
“I use them to navigate, so our ship doesn’t get lost.” Giving her a small smile, Jazz continued. “Whenever I have to leave here, for whatever reason, you know what keeps me going, helps me smile on the really bad days?”
Sari shook her head again, her big blue eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“I can look out at all the stars and I can find the exact point where you are.”
“You can find Earth?” Sari interrupted in fascination.
“Not exactly, Earth is too small to see when you’re light years away.”
“Oh…” Sari bowed her head, her reply small, disappointed.
Grinning in mild amusement Jazz gently raised her face to look at him. “But I can find your sun and that’s close enough for me to look at and smile and think of you, all of you.”
“Why do you smile?”
The question was such an innocent one, Jazz’s smile faded a little. “Because it reminds me that there’s a place out there that I can come back to, see friendly faces, not have to worry about whether or not I’m welcome. When I look at that star, I see you and Optimus, Prowl and all of you here and I’m comforted by the fact that I’ll get to see you again. You're all very important to me, don't forget that.”
“You’ll not forget us?” Her voice trembled as she asked the question.
“I could never forget you. Knowing that you’re all here, keeps me going. Reminds me I’m fighting for a reason.”
“Jazz…?” Sari’s voice broke the few moments silence following the ninja’s reply.
“Yeah, sweetspark?”
“Why can’t you stay here with us?”
Ex-venting a soft sigh, his gaze falling onto the reflection of the stars on the still-as-glass lake surface. “Sari, sometimes in life, you have to do what you don’t want to do for a greater good. That doesn’t mean that we want to.”
Nodding, sniffing quietly; Sari looked up at Jazz. “I wish you didn’t have to go. I’m always afraid you’ll get hurt or injured and I won’t be able to save you and I’ll lose you, all of you.” She hesitated and ducked her head in mild embarrassment. “I sometimes… sometimes make a wish on the stars… you know if I see a shooting star, that you’ll all be safe… that it will all go back to the way it was and you can stay with us... that’s stupid right?”
“Not at all. That’s what makes you a sweetspark.” Stroking her back soothingly with a fingertip, Jazz offered her a warm smile. “But I want you to remember that for every star you wish on, I’m wishing on just one star and I’m counting the cycles until I can come back to it and I know the others appreciate you caring for them so much.”
“They think I’m silly and emotional.” Sari blurted with a huff.
Laughing quietly, Jazz shook his helm. “They don’t think that. I am willing to bet that they get just as scared as you do and would hate to leave you alone.”
“You think?”
“I know.”
Finally giving Jazz a watery smile, Sari shuffled along his leg and threw her arms around his middle, her face buried into his plating. “I love you, Jazz.”
His spark melting at the words, Jazz rested a hand gently on her back, committing the embrace to memory. “I love you too, Sari.”
“Sari!” Bumblebee’s voice burst through the park as he came to skidding halt nearby. “We’ve been so worried about you!”
“I’m sorry, ‘Bee. Just needed some space.” Sari climbed down and gave Jazz a parting smile as she was fussed over and pulled away by Bumblebee.
Jazz watched them leave with a fond smile, before he turned back to the lake. “So… just how long have you been standing there?”
The shadowy figure moved from beside the shelter of the tree and moved towards Jazz as the guardsmech stood up to face him. “Long enough.” Prowl's deep voice was quiet, thoughtful. “Is it true?”
“Is what true?”
“That you pinpoint our location and think of us? Wish you were back here? That we're important to you?” The other ninja inquired tentatively as though afraid he was over stepping the grounds of their newly found familiarity.
Giving Prowl a bright grin and a nod, Jazz looked up to the stars, a flicker of unspoken emotions flitting across his face. “Every word, Prowl. There’s a lot I’ve come to value and love about this place. I hate to leave. I hate knowing that every time I come back I’ll have to leave again… break another promise.”
“You could stay…”
Shaking his helm with a soft sigh and rueful glance at the other ninja, Jazz’s smile faded into something more sorrowful. “You know it’s not that easy.”
Prowl nodded and moved to gaze out across the water at the dancing, ever moving lights of Detroit City. “I know.”
“Truth is I always wanted to just do my duty. Serve the Elite Guard but now…”
“Now…?” Prowl prompted gently, his sharp visor glinting in the lights of the city as he stole a glance at the black and white now standing beside him.
“Now I hate that I have to keep coming here… hurting Sari like this, but I always want to come back. I haven’t had something to look forward to in a long time, Prowl… I don’t want to keep giving false hope though…”
“That’s because you have a good spark, Jazz.” Prowl replied, his optics looking at Jazz as he spoke, only to look away when Jazz returned his gaze. “Fact is, it would be crueller to leave us and not return now, now that we’ve gotten to know you. Whether you are aware of it or not, you have become important to us too, especially to Sari.” The black and gold mech allowed a rare small smile to tug at his mouth. “She has come to like you a lot.”
Grinning in faint amusement, Jazz quirked an optic ridge at his fellow ninja. “So it’s just Sari that misses me then?” He chuckled, his visor meeting Prowl’s for a brief moment.
Smiling knowingly, his gaze returning to the stars in the sky, Prowl hummed softly. “You can be assured, she’s not the only one.”
Sensing that he may have admitted too much and not wanting to make it harder for the black and white to leave in the morning, Prowl began to move away, but not without casting a last glance at the mech by the lake, waiting for Jazz’s visor to look back into his. “I really don’t like saying goodbye, so, I will wish you a safe journey. Be careful out there, Jazz. You’re not the only one who counts the cycles until your return.” With a parting nod and the smallest of smiles, Prowl left Jazz alone.
Smiling to himself at Prowl’s words - them being the most the other ninja had truly revealed about his feelings towards him since they had began their new, cautious friendship - Jazz looked up to the stars once more. His thoughts were no longer dwelling on the mission to come. Although his spark was heavy to leave, Jazz instead thought of who he was leaving behind, who would be waiting for his return and for the first time in a long time, as he stood alone in the park he’d come to love, he didn’t feel quite so lonely.
Author:
wicked3659Rating: pg
Verse: TFA
Characters: Sari, Jazz, Prowl
Summary: Sari is tired of seeing her friends leave and Jazz learns he's more valued and less alone in the universe than he ever hoped.
Sari roughly brushed away the tears from her cheeks, her bottom lip sticking out in a classic pout as she sniffed and folded her arms over her knees, her legs curling up closer to her chest. Her sobs came in soft resistant whimpers as she tried desperately not to cry. She didn’t want any of them to see her cry.
Overhearing the Autobots in their living area earlier, Sari had stayed quiet, eavesdropping in on their conversation as they discussed Jazz’s departure date. It had been the first she’d heard about Jazz having to leave. She knew that the Elite Guardsmech was assigned to the Steelhaven but he had told her that this would be a longer stay, he had promised!
Shouting this out, loudly and suddenly at the top of her voice had startled the gathered ‘bots. Then she had fled the living area and had kept running, tears stinging her eyes, the wind batting her face. She didn’t slow down until her legs had started to burn and she ran out of road. Stopping at the bank of the lake she let the sobs come and the tears fall. It wasn’t fair! None of it was fair! Her friends were constantly on edge since the Decepticons had started upping their attacks, Prowl was always training or meditating, trying to focus on finding the All spark, Bumblebee and Bulkhead were always training or just out looking for Decepticons to fight. Ratchet had all but holed himself up in his makeshift medbay and barely spoke to anyone and Optimus… well, when he wasn’t giving them ‘stay strong and continue to hope’ lectures, he was sat waiting for Cybertron to tell them they were sending the help he repeatedly requested. He was always so serious, distracted now.
****
Sari kicked a pebble into the water and glared at it as it sank to the murky depths. Sighing and moving to lean against a large oak tree, Sari quietened her sobs, her face screwed up in anger and despair, the tears streaking her skin as she slid down the bark of the tree to sit in the damp, cold grass. “It’s not fair!” She yelled up to the sky, to anything that might’ve been listening. “It’s not fair.” She muttered, burying her face into her arms, her crying renewed when the only reply she got was the faint hoot of an owl.
“What’s not fair, sweetspark?”
Brushing her face quickly, Sari didn’t have to look to know who was speaking. Jazz’s smooth voice was recognisable anywhere. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Just leave me alone!” She snapped, frowning at her own harsh words.
Jazz bowed his helm slightly and took a step closer. “Well, I could do that… or…”
“Or, what?” Sari prompted after a few moments of silence.
“Or, I could sit right here, next to you.” The guardsmech had already moved to sit beside her before she could respond. “Don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to.”
“Good!” She barked, a deep scowl forming on her face. “Doesn’t matter anyway, nothing I say matters…” Her voice trailed off into a sullen mutter, her face contorting as she fought back the welling tears, threatening to spill down her cheeks.
Looking quizzically down at the clearly distressed girl, Jazz frowned in concern. “Now why do you say that? Has somebody been giving you a hard time?”
“No, Jazz…” Sari let her head rest against the trunk of the tree with a heavy sigh. “It’s just… no matter what I say; you’re still going to leave… you promised you would stay longer this time.” Hearing how she sounded, the anger returned with vengeance. “Doesn’t matter, alright!” Sari pushed herself up and stomped closer to the lake. “You’re just going to leave like everyone does. They go and they fight and I’m left behind and I don’t know if they’re going to… going to come back. And you’re going to leave again, and you’ll just forget about us.”
Her sobs wracked her small body and Jazz felt a deep ache in his spark at the sight and sound of the small girl crying. He had fallen in love with this strange organic planet and loved Sari like a sparkling of Cybertron. The way she always spoke her mind and wore her feelings on the outside had endeared the guardsmech to her and he thought of her like family. In truth, he thought of all of them as the family and friends he hadn’t allowed himself to have. The life of a guardsmech was a lonely one, but it was lonely for a good reason. Still, no matter how hard he’d tried, Jazz hadn’t been able to stop himself from growing ever fonder of the small earth team.
Moving closer to Sari, remaining on his knees so he could speak to her more easily, he peered down at her with a soft smile, a fingertip gently brushing away the tear drops from her cheek. “Sweetspark, I’m so sorry that I have to break my promise. You have to know, it wasn’t my decision. I never meant to hurt you.”
“Then why do you have to go?!” The girl managed to force out between hitched sobs. She didn’t wait for the ninja to answer before she flung herself at him and wrapped her arms around the nearest plating she could grab, which so happened to be his leg.
Ever so gently scooping the girl up and settling cross-legged on the bank, looking out to the water, Jazz placed Sari carefully on his knee and bent low to talk to her properly. “I want to show you something.”
Sniffing and wiping her face, Sari blinked up at him curiously. “What?” She burbled quietly.
“Look up at the sky. You see those stars up there?” He pointed as the first stars twinkled in the twilight.
Sari nodded. “Mmhmm.”
“Did you know I live by the stars?” Jazz asked quietly.
Shaking her head, Sari looked up at him expectantly.
“I use them to navigate, so our ship doesn’t get lost.” Giving her a small smile, Jazz continued. “Whenever I have to leave here, for whatever reason, you know what keeps me going, helps me smile on the really bad days?”
Sari shook her head again, her big blue eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“I can look out at all the stars and I can find the exact point where you are.”
“You can find Earth?” Sari interrupted in fascination.
“Not exactly, Earth is too small to see when you’re light years away.”
“Oh…” Sari bowed her head, her reply small, disappointed.
Grinning in mild amusement Jazz gently raised her face to look at him. “But I can find your sun and that’s close enough for me to look at and smile and think of you, all of you.”
“Why do you smile?”
The question was such an innocent one, Jazz’s smile faded a little. “Because it reminds me that there’s a place out there that I can come back to, see friendly faces, not have to worry about whether or not I’m welcome. When I look at that star, I see you and Optimus, Prowl and all of you here and I’m comforted by the fact that I’ll get to see you again. You're all very important to me, don't forget that.”
“You’ll not forget us?” Her voice trembled as she asked the question.
“I could never forget you. Knowing that you’re all here, keeps me going. Reminds me I’m fighting for a reason.”
“Jazz…?” Sari’s voice broke the few moments silence following the ninja’s reply.
“Yeah, sweetspark?”
“Why can’t you stay here with us?”
Ex-venting a soft sigh, his gaze falling onto the reflection of the stars on the still-as-glass lake surface. “Sari, sometimes in life, you have to do what you don’t want to do for a greater good. That doesn’t mean that we want to.”
Nodding, sniffing quietly; Sari looked up at Jazz. “I wish you didn’t have to go. I’m always afraid you’ll get hurt or injured and I won’t be able to save you and I’ll lose you, all of you.” She hesitated and ducked her head in mild embarrassment. “I sometimes… sometimes make a wish on the stars… you know if I see a shooting star, that you’ll all be safe… that it will all go back to the way it was and you can stay with us... that’s stupid right?”
“Not at all. That’s what makes you a sweetspark.” Stroking her back soothingly with a fingertip, Jazz offered her a warm smile. “But I want you to remember that for every star you wish on, I’m wishing on just one star and I’m counting the cycles until I can come back to it and I know the others appreciate you caring for them so much.”
“They think I’m silly and emotional.” Sari blurted with a huff.
Laughing quietly, Jazz shook his helm. “They don’t think that. I am willing to bet that they get just as scared as you do and would hate to leave you alone.”
“You think?”
“I know.”
Finally giving Jazz a watery smile, Sari shuffled along his leg and threw her arms around his middle, her face buried into his plating. “I love you, Jazz.”
His spark melting at the words, Jazz rested a hand gently on her back, committing the embrace to memory. “I love you too, Sari.”
“Sari!” Bumblebee’s voice burst through the park as he came to skidding halt nearby. “We’ve been so worried about you!”
“I’m sorry, ‘Bee. Just needed some space.” Sari climbed down and gave Jazz a parting smile as she was fussed over and pulled away by Bumblebee.
Jazz watched them leave with a fond smile, before he turned back to the lake. “So… just how long have you been standing there?”
The shadowy figure moved from beside the shelter of the tree and moved towards Jazz as the guardsmech stood up to face him. “Long enough.” Prowl's deep voice was quiet, thoughtful. “Is it true?”
“Is what true?”
“That you pinpoint our location and think of us? Wish you were back here? That we're important to you?” The other ninja inquired tentatively as though afraid he was over stepping the grounds of their newly found familiarity.
Giving Prowl a bright grin and a nod, Jazz looked up to the stars, a flicker of unspoken emotions flitting across his face. “Every word, Prowl. There’s a lot I’ve come to value and love about this place. I hate to leave. I hate knowing that every time I come back I’ll have to leave again… break another promise.”
“You could stay…”
Shaking his helm with a soft sigh and rueful glance at the other ninja, Jazz’s smile faded into something more sorrowful. “You know it’s not that easy.”
Prowl nodded and moved to gaze out across the water at the dancing, ever moving lights of Detroit City. “I know.”
“Truth is I always wanted to just do my duty. Serve the Elite Guard but now…”
“Now…?” Prowl prompted gently, his sharp visor glinting in the lights of the city as he stole a glance at the black and white now standing beside him.
“Now I hate that I have to keep coming here… hurting Sari like this, but I always want to come back. I haven’t had something to look forward to in a long time, Prowl… I don’t want to keep giving false hope though…”
“That’s because you have a good spark, Jazz.” Prowl replied, his optics looking at Jazz as he spoke, only to look away when Jazz returned his gaze. “Fact is, it would be crueller to leave us and not return now, now that we’ve gotten to know you. Whether you are aware of it or not, you have become important to us too, especially to Sari.” The black and gold mech allowed a rare small smile to tug at his mouth. “She has come to like you a lot.”
Grinning in faint amusement, Jazz quirked an optic ridge at his fellow ninja. “So it’s just Sari that misses me then?” He chuckled, his visor meeting Prowl’s for a brief moment.
Smiling knowingly, his gaze returning to the stars in the sky, Prowl hummed softly. “You can be assured, she’s not the only one.”
Sensing that he may have admitted too much and not wanting to make it harder for the black and white to leave in the morning, Prowl began to move away, but not without casting a last glance at the mech by the lake, waiting for Jazz’s visor to look back into his. “I really don’t like saying goodbye, so, I will wish you a safe journey. Be careful out there, Jazz. You’re not the only one who counts the cycles until your return.” With a parting nod and the smallest of smiles, Prowl left Jazz alone.
Smiling to himself at Prowl’s words - them being the most the other ninja had truly revealed about his feelings towards him since they had began their new, cautious friendship - Jazz looked up to the stars once more. His thoughts were no longer dwelling on the mission to come. Although his spark was heavy to leave, Jazz instead thought of who he was leaving behind, who would be waiting for his return and for the first time in a long time, as he stood alone in the park he’d come to love, he didn’t feel quite so lonely.
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Date: 2011-11-22 06:41 am (UTC)