FIC: Chance
Feb. 3rd, 2012 01:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wicked3659Author: wicked3659
Verse: TFA
Warnings: Um.. tissues maybe? Character death
Rating: PG
He’d been building to this moment for a while, telling himself that the worse that would happen would be that he’d get a resounding ‘no’. He couldn’t remember when his feelings had grown into something more, they’d had such brief contact with each other. The times they had spent together though were etched into his processor. The long talks, the sharing of memories about their time training as a ninja and of Yoketron. The sessions of sparring where he’d learned so much and also been able to teach a little along the way. It was a friendship unlike any other Prowl had experienced before.
Wringing his hands he wondered if he was just imagining it to be something it wasn’t, giving himself false hope by reading too much into his smile or the slight touch of his hand in response to a question. Having not been able to spend that much time together due to the Decepticons upping their attacks and Jazz not being allowed to stay on Earth, Prowl still had a lot of doubt, a lot of worry that he was investing too much of his spark into something that would only ever be a friendship.
His spark clenched at the thought, he didn’t want it to be just a friendship. Jazz had finally come to Earth, to stay. It had been unprecedented but welcome. It did however; make dealing with his growing feelings more difficult. Jazz was around all the time now, he simply had a way of brightening up a room when he walked into it and it had definitely improved the morale of Prowl and his friends.
Getting to his feet, Prowl nodded firmly to himself. Yoketron had taught him that a moment in hesitation was a moment wasted. He didn’t want to waste anymore time wondering, hoping. Nothing would ever happen if Jazz didn’t know the truth. Plus it was always nice to hear when somebody loved you, wasn’t it? The fear of potentially ruining their friendship was at the fore front of Prowl’s processor as he headed to Jazz’s room. Yet he still couldn’t stop himself. He loved Jazz and with the way the fight against Megatron was going, he may not get another chance to admit how he felt, to tell Jazz the truth. His life before Yoketron had been a hard one, a mech had to learn to take chances when they came around and so Prowl resolutely made up his mind that he was going to grab this opportunity with both hands.
Raising his hand to knock on Jazz’s door, he started when the space was suddenly filled with the form of the white ninja grinning down at him. “Hey Prowl.”
“Hi…” The black and gold mech managed to utter, the wind blown out of his sails at Jazz’s sudden appearance.
“You alright, mech?” Jazz frowned slightly when Prowl just stood and stared at him with a bright visor for a few seconds. “Would you like to come in?”
Nodding, Prowl ducked his helm and slipped past Jazz into his room, his spark pounding in his chest. He couldn’t lose his nerve now.
Tilting his helm curiously, Jazz offered a reassuring smile at Prowl’s obvious unease. “I was just about to head into the living area and play some computer games with ‘Bee, I don’t suppose you want to join us do you?”
“Mm, no… I will pass, thank you.” Prowl forced himself to relax.
Jazz grinned knowingly. “Yeah, didn’t think it was your scene, so what’s up?”
“Why does anything have to be up?” The reply was quick, too quick.
“Well… you were about to knock on my door, mech.” Jazz took a step forward in mild concern. “Y’sure everything’s alright?”
“Everything’s fine, I just… I need to tell you something…” Prowl started, hands fidgeting in front of him as he struggled to find the words. This wasn’t something he’d ever done before, Jazz probably already thought he was being ridiculous.
“Shoot, mech.” Jazz encouraged softly, his keen optics noticing the tension in Prowl’s frame.
“Well I… this isn’t easy for me to admit…” He laughed nervously, avoiding Jazz’s gaze. “Since I’ve come to know you I’ve had these… well to be more exact I…” He trailed off with a huff of air through his vents.
Jazz chuckled and moved closer, placing his hand on Prowl’s arm to squeeze it gently. “Spit it out, Prowl. It’s probably not as bad as you think.”
Straightening and looking Jazz straight in the optic, Prowl decided it was now or never. “I like you.” He stated firmly. “I like you a lot.” He added earnestly. “More than I like anyone else…” His voice dropped to a low whisper when Jazz didn’t react straight away.
Jazz’s smile faded and he looked thoughtful for a moment at Prowl’s words, his optics studying the other ninja’s face to make sure it wasn’t some sort of joke. “So you’re saying; you have feelings for me?” He asked quietly.
Prowl nodded, his spark fluttering madly in his chest. “I know it’s a difficult time right now, with the Decepticons and everything but I wanted you to know…”
“To what end?” Jazz replied softly.
Visor flickering slightly, his gaze dropping to his hands as his nervousness took over, Prowl shrugged a little. “I was hoping… maybe when the fighting is done… we could… I would like to see if—if we could be more than friends…. If you want that…” He glanced up, his spark sinking when Jazz took a step back.
“Prowl, I don’t know what to say I… there’s a lot going on right now. It’s not really the best time to be thinking about things like this and….I don’t know mech, this is kind of sudden.” He rubbed the back of his neck, offering Prowl a faint smile.
Prowl nodded in understanding. “You don’t feel the same, I understand you don’t have to lie to protect my feelings.” He responded quietly, spark feeling so heavy beneath his plating.
“It’s not that, Prowl.” Jazz insisted. “I just haven’t thought about it. It’s been a tough few cycles. Maybe I would if we weren’t currently at war but…” He sighed softly, his visor dim when he looked back at Prowl. “Perhaps it’s something we could talk about after all the fighting, like you said…”
Prowl shook his helm slightly. “It’s alright, Jazz… I just thought that maybe you—it doesn’t matter.”
“…I’m sorry, Prowl.” Jazz whispered.
He gave the pale ninja a small smile. “Silly of me at a time like this, don’t know what I was thinking.” He murmured in reply, heading for the door.
Jazz caught his arm, his gaze sympathetic, his mouth opening to offer some sort of comfort, but the words wouldn’t come. “Prowl, it’s not silly to have feelings—“
“—Jazz, it’s alright, really. I’m sorry I bothered you.” Prowl gently removed his hand from his arm and headed for the door only to be stopped by Jazz’s voice.
“We’re still cool, right?”
Bowing his helm slightly, he glanced over his shoulder and gave Jazz a small nod. “I’ll always be your friend, Jazz.” He stated before taking his leave, his spark aching at just how true those words were.
****
The black and gold ninja stole himself away as often as he could, burying the rejection deep inside whenever he was around Jazz. The other ninja had made a point of seeking him out in his free time, making sure Prowl knew there didn’t need to be any awkward feelings between them, that he still enjoyed Prowl’s company. It was a small comfort and Prowl was grateful for the effort but it didn’t change the fact and it didn’t make his feelings dissipate.
In fact, much to Prowl’s dismay, his feelings only grew the longer Jazz stayed on Earth. Whenever he subtly watched the white mech, or had to fight alongside him, the feelings were there, the thought of what if in the future Jazz moved on? After the fighting was done what if Jazz met somebody else? Prowl wasn’t sure how he would take that.
The fighting got worse which was a distraction if an unwelcome one; it helped Prowl focus his attentions onto less painful matters. He threw himself into every fight, not entirely sure what he was trying to achieve. He told himself he was happy with Jazz in his life and that even though Jazz hadn’t rejected him completely, he didn’t hold out any hope there was any future for them after the fighting was done. If the guardsmech had any sense he would leave Prowl far behind and get on with his life.
Each battle got harder and harder and Megatron upped his game until Prowl’s time came. The decision had been a surprisingly easy one for him. He thought of his friends and how they would finally be free and safe and he thought of Jazz. He knew even as the mech hummed beside him that he would have always loved him, no matter how unrequited it would have been. Jazz was his friend and Prowl didn’t want to see the guardsmech sacrifice anymore of his own happiness fighting for others.
Rising above the ground, pulling the energy of the Allspark towards him, Prowl took one last look at the mech who unwittingly held his spark and smiled. There would be no more wondering, no more hoping and wishing things were different. There would just be peace. A peace he had sought for a long time.
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Date: 2012-02-03 01:37 pm (UTC)I felt so bad for Prowl when Jazz rejected his feeling (well, it's not rejection, just postponing, but still :S ) Anyway I really like how you interpreted Prowls last smile, just before he died. Very sad indeed....
Arrrrg! What's with film directors and killing all of the awesome characters?! I almost had a breakdown when Jazz died in the movie and then a relapse when Prowl died in the anime....(don't even get me started on TF:TM) *sigh* Incredibly sad and touching story. Now I can't stop feeling bad for Jazz, left all alone wondering "what if...?"
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