Some RL, Some none ranty rant, some Love

[wicked3659]

Well my friends keep telling me I should rant more, or at the very least post more. I never really see the point, I mean they're just words right?

Wrong!

You know what I've discovered? Words can hurt, make someone cry, can make them laugh and are capable of changing the world or creating chaos. You know what else they're good for? Therapy. Self prescribed of course.

So here is my release, my RL and online troubles put out here for you all to see. A lot has happened recently, so you'll have to bear with me.

RL Shit.

So anyone on my f list who pays even a small amount of attention to me knows I got dumped, two weeks ago yesterday. It's been a real kicker in the teeth for me. Now not to brag or anything, but I've been in serious relationships since I was 15 and I have never been dumped. And although I very much saw it coming and did nothing to prevent it, my god it still hurts like hell.

Seriously, it's only through forcing myself to go to work everyday and having a handful of very supporting friends that I've even managed to get to this point. My flat is a mess, my bedroom looks like a hobo has set up camp there and I've not had a solid meal other than what valielen  made me last week.

That being said, I am eating and now I can finally sleep without bursting into tears at simply the thought of what I could have done better. It's not easy but I have it on good authority that it does get easier. So here's to hoping.

All I have to keep telling myself is that, it takes two people to make a relationship happen and it takes two people to make a relationship fail. I mean I'm not perfect, I know my flaws intimately and I could damn well have done things better. But you know what?

So could he. He wasn't perfect and I have to remember that, I don't hate him, god no I still love him but I can no longer be the girl who sits back and is the wallflower simply because they don't accept me for everything that I am.

I accepted him, was it too much to ask for the same in return? After three and a half years?

Anyway, I had been replying on my mum a bit too but recently got into a fight with her boyfriend because he wanted me to do something which I wouldn't immediately do and then screamed at me when I didn't do it. The bad tempered wench in me obviously bit back and chaos ensued, where now I can't face him and don't want to go round there. My mum stood up to him though and they're fine now but although I'll probably go back at some point, I'm just not there yet.

So I'm here in my flat trying to make it through the day and night without slipping into dispondency.

The internet has a lot to answer for and a lot for me to be thankful for too.


Online stuffs

 

Now do not mistake this for a rant post, because really what the hell is the point in another one of those? This is a I am deeply saddened and surprised by my beloved fandom.

I did not want to wake up this morning to see that the one fandom I had ever joined had torn itself apart over some petty issues that one person had the gall to bitch about. I have never joined another fandom because well, I'd heard horror stories. I'm a trekkie who is scared to join that fandom from said stories, this is the first place where I've actually felt I've made a worthwhile contribution to and made some brilliant friends along the way. So yeah it hurts to see this drama making everyone tear chunks out of each other. Seriously isn't there enough hate in the world without adding to it?

Come on people you're better than this. All of you. Shit happens as they say, and shit stirrers soon get called out for who they truly are. Don't get sucked in, concentrate on what's great about this fandom, the fan fiction, the artz, the pronz, the people who genuinely care about the place.

I myself love my comm, I love to mod there for those players who are truly enjoying it and I love to play there because that place has brought me a lot of good things. New friends being the main one, who became some of my closest friends (and I do not have many let me tell you). You girls seriously make it worthwhile coming home of an evening and waking up in a morning, even when I really don't want to.

So to those throwing hate our way, I don't care what you think, this comm has done more good than you will ever do for this fandom and it's brought more people together than I'd ever expected. It doesn't matter how much someone bitches or moans or complains because
tf_ic_prompts  is made great by the people who have been insulted and hurt by all the recent drama and all those who simply keep their heads down and get on with it. Those are the same people who make this fandom great.

There a none rant for you.
 

In light of all this, I am going to take a leaf out of antepathy 's book and spread some love as it's sorely needed and I just need a bit of happy right now.

Thank you to my friends for supporting me and just being a well needed distraction. You all deserve some love.

valielen  for always knowing exactly what I need to keep my mind of things, I do not tell you how much you rock and how much you mean to me so there you go. ^_^ rachieb1807  you've known me for going on 9 years now and you've always been that solid presence in my life. I wouldn't have gotten this far without you.
vejiraziel  you always know the right thing to say to talk some sense into me, you are quite simply a star, thanks for listening and putting up with me  <3 antepathy  through thick and thin you've been there. Thankyou for everything.
purajo , eerian_sadow , toyzintheattik  your unending optimism and your very welcome hugs and RP distractions have been a godsend, seriously thank you all so so much for sticking by me while I moped, got depressed and cried in chat. And for encouraging me.
Last but certainly not least ante_luce  you are my newest friend and simply one of the sweetest people I've had the pleasure of speaking to. I hope it's the start of a long friendship to come. (Not that the ninjas let us have much say in it ^_^;; ) Thanks for just being there and taking my mind off everything.

This is to all those out there who have randomly nudged me said hi sent a hug just because you thought of me, you made me smile and that is as they say worth a thousand words. Thanks ^_^

You'll all be glad to note that on an anti-climatic point, I finally received my bank pin number 12 days after it was requested. Thank goodness for small favours. :3

Comments

[mpinsky.livejournal.com]

*hugs deeply*

Fandom drama is rough. Three days of it and I'm totally sick of it. It's hard when you're on the end between the warring factions (no TF pun intended) and everything seems to be falling apart, but this is the worst of it and everything will straighten itself out. It always does—it's the mechanics of nature after all.

And I agree, Vejiraziel gives sound advice, knocking sense into many of us. Lord knows she's helped me get through some tough spots in my life.

I hope life looks up for you soon—and I know it will—because you're just that much of a sweet and caring person from what I have read from your blog posts.

*hugs more* <3

[eerian_sadow]

*hugs and snuggles* love you too, hon. ^_^

[antepathy.livejournal.com]

So to those throwing hate our way, I don't care what you think, this comm has done more good than you will ever do for this fandom and it's brought more people together than I'd ever expected. It doesn't matter how much someone bitches or moans or complains because tf_ic_prompts is made great by the people who have been insulted and hurt by all the recent drama and all those who simply keep their heads down and get on with it. Those are the same people who make this fandom great.

THIS.

[vejiraziel.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Drama happens, but I'll say it again, in the end as long as you have fun is what makes fandom worthwhile. <3

[velaquiel.livejournal.com]

If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here. I don't know if I'll be much help but I'm here for you if you need me! Just gimme a poke or something! I hope everything starts looking up for you very quickly.

As for fandom drama...I like to say that I graduated high school and I don't plan on going back. Try not to let it eat away at you is the best advice I can give. You and the other players should just keep on having fun!

[valielen.livejournal.com]

*shy hug* *runs away*...

[aprilraven.livejournal.com]

*nudges and hugs* Echoing your comments about how very much the comm has done. For me personally, it's been a sanity saver and a godsend and I've made friends I care deeply about, all thanks to you and antepathy, and I'll always be grateful. *more hugs* <3

[purajo.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* Drama will happen. It's what keeps things interesting... then everyone will have forgotten about it in a month's time, as soon as Michael Bay throws out some new bit of news or something. That's the joy of fandom

[ante-luce.livejournal.com]

No, the ninjas really don't let us have any say about it at all. ^_^;;

:P Not that it matters, 'cos I'm in perfect agreement with them. You're stuck with me for a long, long time. *hugs*