Real life update
Mar. 2nd, 2014 04:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wicked3659I seem to leave long gaps between my real life posts. I'm not sure why that is. Either because I doubt I have anything of interest to say or because it's usually negative. I never seem to report good things. Good things like moving to Singapore, making friends, Christmas and turning 30. My brain isn't really wired for remembering the good things though. I'm getting better at it but sometimes it's much easier to slip back into that pit of despair.
I felt like writing today because the last two months have been especially difficult. I left my job because my boss was a bullying racist who was slowly pushing me back into depression. A good thing happened. I got offered two good jobs. One in UK one in Singapore. I weighed up the pros and cons and discussed it at length with friends and family and made the decision to take the one in Singapore. Life decided however that getting a job wasn't going to be that simple, not for the likes of me.
This job, another teaching job, requires a visa like any here for me in Singapore but these are new owners of an already established franchise. These new owners don't seem to know the first thing about visa application and they don't appear to treat their staff very well. One girl (the girl who recommended me for the job) quit three days ago. I knew she wasn't happy but that came as a surprise. My visa (once they'd finally applied) was rejected because Singapore are tightening the reigns on incoming foreigners. It's mostly about bumping the pay up to limit how many foreigners a company hires. It's fair enough, I understand the politics behind it, I have nothing against it but I doubt very much that this company are going to do much to appeal. So I'm back to square one.
It's now the 2nd of March and I've been two months without any income. This is the longest I've been unemployed since I was 13. I'm finding it hard to deal with. My flatmate, my friends keep telling me I've been more than patient and tolerant but inside I think I'm going stir crazy. I had to borrow money from a good friend this month to pay rent for March, my flatmate has taken on the bills for this month. I have good friends around me trying to hold the pieces together while I slowly fall apart and try to push everyone away.
Life seems to enjoy shitting on me from a great height and seeing if I can avoid it. We are not currently on speaking terms.
I've contacted people I know here that could get me jobs, either in pharmaceuticals or teaching. I am back to playing the waiting game now. I hope I don't have to wait long. It would also be nice if my body didn't decide to throw a wobbler while I'm waiting either. Having a head cold and inflamed sinuses does not help my frame of mind any. Especially as with no income I can't exactly go to the Dr whenever I'd like.
My visitor's visa runs out in May, I do hope I won't be borrowing more money for a flight home. That would make me sad. Good vibes are welcome at this point. Just for things to start running smoothly.
A year or two ago, something like this would have made me slip back into depression. It's been borderline and I've been trying really hard to maintain some positive, practical mental attitude along the way. My closest friends suffer though. I get bitchy and snippy and mean and I take it out on those closest. I hope they can forgive me. I do know how lucky I am to have them around. They've really helped me these past couple of months, despite my attempts to deal with everything alone.
It's amazing how much reliance on the routine of having a job our sanity is dependent on. A little scary too.
I should definitely post more cheery stuff in here from time to time. At least the downtime from having no job has meant I have been able to concentrate on my wips. I have completed one, four to go and one new one to start. So that's something I suppose?
I felt like writing today because the last two months have been especially difficult. I left my job because my boss was a bullying racist who was slowly pushing me back into depression. A good thing happened. I got offered two good jobs. One in UK one in Singapore. I weighed up the pros and cons and discussed it at length with friends and family and made the decision to take the one in Singapore. Life decided however that getting a job wasn't going to be that simple, not for the likes of me.
This job, another teaching job, requires a visa like any here for me in Singapore but these are new owners of an already established franchise. These new owners don't seem to know the first thing about visa application and they don't appear to treat their staff very well. One girl (the girl who recommended me for the job) quit three days ago. I knew she wasn't happy but that came as a surprise. My visa (once they'd finally applied) was rejected because Singapore are tightening the reigns on incoming foreigners. It's mostly about bumping the pay up to limit how many foreigners a company hires. It's fair enough, I understand the politics behind it, I have nothing against it but I doubt very much that this company are going to do much to appeal. So I'm back to square one.
It's now the 2nd of March and I've been two months without any income. This is the longest I've been unemployed since I was 13. I'm finding it hard to deal with. My flatmate, my friends keep telling me I've been more than patient and tolerant but inside I think I'm going stir crazy. I had to borrow money from a good friend this month to pay rent for March, my flatmate has taken on the bills for this month. I have good friends around me trying to hold the pieces together while I slowly fall apart and try to push everyone away.
Life seems to enjoy shitting on me from a great height and seeing if I can avoid it. We are not currently on speaking terms.
I've contacted people I know here that could get me jobs, either in pharmaceuticals or teaching. I am back to playing the waiting game now. I hope I don't have to wait long. It would also be nice if my body didn't decide to throw a wobbler while I'm waiting either. Having a head cold and inflamed sinuses does not help my frame of mind any. Especially as with no income I can't exactly go to the Dr whenever I'd like.
My visitor's visa runs out in May, I do hope I won't be borrowing more money for a flight home. That would make me sad. Good vibes are welcome at this point. Just for things to start running smoothly.
A year or two ago, something like this would have made me slip back into depression. It's been borderline and I've been trying really hard to maintain some positive, practical mental attitude along the way. My closest friends suffer though. I get bitchy and snippy and mean and I take it out on those closest. I hope they can forgive me. I do know how lucky I am to have them around. They've really helped me these past couple of months, despite my attempts to deal with everything alone.
It's amazing how much reliance on the routine of having a job our sanity is dependent on. A little scary too.
I should definitely post more cheery stuff in here from time to time. At least the downtime from having no job has meant I have been able to concentrate on my wips. I have completed one, four to go and one new one to start. So that's something I suppose?
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no subject
Date: 2014-03-01 11:19 pm (UTC)I hope it all works out soon =)
no subject
Date: 2014-03-02 01:01 am (UTC)I suffer from the 'only post cheery stuff' thing too but I think its helpful sometimes to articulate the non cheery stuff and people are always supportive when I do (which always makes me think I shouldn't worry so much). I always like seeing RL posts on here, happy or otherwise cos its good to know how people are getting on and to be able to maybe be helpful if the news isnt good. Especially for a pretty much non-Tumblr person!
no subject
Date: 2014-03-02 01:29 am (UTC)I'm so sorry that you've been having such a hard time right now. I wish I could say something that would cheer you up. But I think its good to get those negative feelings out too,other wise they just tend to fester.
I hope everything sorts out for you soon. *huggles more*
no subject
Date: 2014-03-02 02:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-03-03 06:17 pm (UTC)If there is anything I can do to help feel free to drop me a message.